


Gone But Not Forgotten

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert, engaged to someone else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 01:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	1. Chapter 1

As you sat at the table, staring at the engagement ring on your finger, you wondered how it had even got there. You didn’t want it. You didn’t love him. Hopelessly, you were still in love with Spencer - even though he’d chosen someone else over you. Why hadn’t you just asked to be exclusive? If you had, maybe you’d be sitting here happy, sipping at your coffee with Spencer’s ring on your finger.

Instead, you’d just watched as your fiancee, a nice enough man, made his way out the door to work. You cared about him, but you didn’t love him. For Spencer, you would’ve shut down all the lights in city. If he were sick, you’d have begged, borrowed, stolen, lied and cheated to make sure he got better. Honestly, you would’ve given him the world. 

You stared out the window, fiddling with the ring on your finger, turning it around repeatedly. It wasn’t fair to him. Again, he was a nice enough man, but you didn’t love him. How could you marry him when you didn’t love him? Maybe you just had to break things off and get over Spencer before starting something new. If you did marry him, it would be for all the wrong reasons - just to make sure you weren’t alone. The fact that the thought even occurred to you enough to accept the ring in the first place made you sick. 

When you were dating Spencer, you were so sure that he felt the same for you - you were convinced. He claimed that the reason he chose the other woman he was seeing was because he was ready for a family and so was she, but you loved him more. You knew you did. And you did want a family too. That day, the day he left, you told him you understood, but you didn’t, and you were still hurt. 

Your lip started to quiver when you went to take another sip of coffee. “How am I supposed to move on?” you asked yourself quietly. You would’ve done anything for him. You did anything for him, and he’d done the same for you. For him, it was just about the future - the future you also shared with him, but wanted to put on a hold for a few years. He didn’t want to wait any longer.

So why did you still love him? Why did you love him when he’d chosen someone else over you? It made no sense, but then again, love made no sense. You stood up from the table and put your mug in the sink before walking over to the window to watch the rain beat against the window. 

You remembered that day in his apartment, when the rain was pouring down just like this. That day, you weren’t feeling very well. He came up behind you and wrapped his arms around you before placing a kiss in the crook of your neck. As his heart beat against your back, your own heart seemingly sunk up with his; you were so comfortable together. There was no way this other woman fit more comfortably with Spencer than you did.

Again, you looked down at your ring. This time, you lifted it off your finger and put it on the table. When he came home today, you’d tell him. It would hurt him. But it wouldn’t be fair to marry him in the state you were in. He was a nice guy; he deserved more than that. 

Maybe one day you would be over Spencer. You hoped you would be anyway. But right now, you weren’t. He was gone. Out of your life and into someone else’s. As you thought, maybe you were meant to be and it would happen one day, but if it didn’t you needed to fix yourself before moving on with someone else, because as of this moment, you were incapable of moving on - not when he was gone.


	2. So We Meet Again

God…he was coming home now. You hated this. Why did you still have to be in love with Spencer? It was because of him that you were about to break your fiancee’s heart, and yet you couldn’t hate Spencer anyway. You were so fucked. “Hey,” he said as he walked in. His face dropped when he saw the engagement ring in your hand instead of on it. “Why?” His voice was strained, like he was trying to speak and breathe at the same time and it wasn’t working. There was no indication, at least in his eyes, that this would’ve happened.

“You know the man I was seeing before you,” you said.

Taking the ring from your hand, he swallowed his sorrow and nodded. “Spencer… yea, I remember.” He didn’t want to hear you say it, but you couldn’t keep it in any longer. 

“I wanted to be in love with you,” you told him truthfully. You really had. This sucked. Having to break someone’s heart? It was awful, and it broke a piece of your soul at the same time. “But I’m not. And it’s unfair to you to marry you just so I won’t be alone.” You leaned in, placing a kiss on his lips before taking your bag, which you’d packed with things you’d need for the immediate future, and walking toward the door. “I’ll get in touch when I figure out what I’m going to do about the rest of my things…and Chris?”

He looked toward you, resigned to the truth. At least he was willing to hear you out. You meant it - he was a good man and you wanted the world for him; you just couldn’t be his world. “I’m so, so sorry, Chris. I hope you get everything you ever wanted in life.”

As you closed the door behind you and walked down the stairs, you realized you hadn’t actually that everything through. Where would you go? Your parents lived about 45 minutes away, so if worse came to worst, you’d go stay with them. For now though, you decided to drive to the park and swing. Remember your childhood when things weren’t so complicated. 

After throwing your duffel bag in the back seat, you sat in the car for a moment, contemplating the decisions you’d made that brought you to where you were now. What was Spencer doing? You hadn’t seen him since getting engaged to Chris, which was nearly six months earlier, so you had no idea if he was actually still seeing the woman he’d chosen.

Before you knew it, you started driving toward the park without realizing it, and within about ten minutes you were there. You left the duffel bag in the car and walked over to the swings. When you sat down, an immediate weight was lifted, as if being transported back to your childhood meant that your adult problems no longer existed. It was a nice feeling, and you contemplated just sitting there for the rest of your life. 

Minutes turned to an hour, and your eyes fluttered closed as you swung back and forth, reveling in the way the slight breeze ruffled your hair. It would take a long time to get over Spencer. He was everything you ever wanted. Just as you thought about moving and heading to your parents, you were interrupted.

“Hey.” From off in the distance, you heard a familiar voice, but it was too far away and you were in a dream world. When you opened your eyes, you saw him. 

Your mouth dropped open. “Hi, Spencer. What are you doing here?”

When he sat down on the swing next to you, you couldn’t help but feel happy. It was nice having him near you again. “Just trying to collect my thoughts, I guess,” he replied, taking a long swig of his coffee.

“Still take more sugar than coffee?” you asked with a small smile.

He chuckled and said yes. He couldn’t go without at least one super sugary coffee a day. “What brings you here?”

“Same thing,” you replied. What had happened in his life that made him look so sad? Even his work life, which had been filled with a string of horrible events after another, hadn’t brought this look to his face. He looked lost, confused…pained.

You didn’t want to make it seem like you were still head over heels in love with him, but you did want him to know that you cared. “You look sad,” you said. “Are you okay?”

Heaving a huge sigh, he took another sip of his coffee before speaking. “Been better,” he said honestly. “She cheated on me.”

That bitch. Granted, you had hated the fact that he chose her over you despite the reason he’d done so, but Spencer was more deserving of happiness than almost anyone you knew, and the fact that she had hurt him made you boil inside. “I’m sorry,” you said. 

“Really?” he asked. “I was sure the day you walked out that you hated me.” You could never hate him. You weren’t capable. 

Reaching across the expanse between you, you laid your hand on top of his. “I don’t hate you, Spence. I never did. I was hurt, yes. But I never hated you. How did you find out about her?”

“Came home from a case to find her in bed with someone else.” Oh god, he’d walked in on it. Goddammit. “What happened with the guy you were engaged to? I don’t see the ring anymore.”

You told him that you broke it off after realizing that you were marrying him for the wrong reasons. It didn’t need to be said out loud what those reasons were - he knew what they were. “I’m sorry I chose her,” he said, making shaky eye contact with you. 

There really wasn’t a reason to be angry with him. He wanted a family, and she’d claimed she wanted one in the immediate future too. How was he supposed to know that she would cheat on him? Even a profiler could be blinded by what he thought was love. 

You had no idea what the future would hold for the two of you. Maybe everything. Maybe nothing. Your head said run. Don’t put yourself in a position to be so hurt again. But your heart said give yourselves a chance. “Do you want to go grab a bite to eat?” you asked. “No expectations. We’ll just talk.”

“That sounds great.” He smiled. It had been ages since you saw that smile - and right now it shined with possibility.


End file.
